Give Me a Reason to Believe

Sunday morning. Coffee, a cigarette. Time to think.

I am almost 52 years old. I was 15 when the civil war started.

War stole my adolescence. It raped my youth and everything I believed in.

Since then, I live submerged, surrounded, overwhelmed by messages of patriotism, giving oneself, defending one’s honor… But also of betrayal, hypocrisy, decadence and corruption. I spent years trying to put both together. I didn’t work. It still doesn’t.

I wasted my precious years – more precious than any other cause on earth and heavens –  stupidly trying to philosophize the basic atom of life, the one that makes us who we are, the universal truth. It was simple, but as everything else in Lebanon, we turned it into an ambiguous complexity. This atom is us, humans. We are life, not the country.

Countries never make people. People make countries!

How hard is that to grasp? It is the answer that makes you think twice. It is actually not hard at all, yet, those who claim building the country are the same who answer this question with “very hard”. They are those who stole my adolescence and raped  my  youth and everything I believed in…

We defeated the purpose of existence, turned ourselves into the slaves of what we originally enslaved to protect our very own existence. We got lost in our own game, fell victims of our own lies and thought, just thought that by creating this big scheme called nation, we become safe, we become someone, we become One…

To top it all, we made it in the name of God!

We had the guts to build lies, tell lies in the name of what we call, when needed, our creator.

God did not create countries, we did.
God never asked to fight for land, we did.
God never asked to establish parties in his name, we did.
God never asked to use His name or teachings as creed, we did.

God never had borders, money or politics. He never used deception or diplomacy. He never lied or asked us to lie. God never had border patrols. He never had a country. God never asked for a visa to let you through. God never said “this is yours, and that is not”. We did.

I lost the best years of my life staring at those fighting in the name of their “own” God. I wasted those years listening to idiots preaching to idiots about fighting for land, honor and dignity…

They can’t possibly have honor, nor dignity when they impudently claim fight a war in the name of God. Who are they to defend God, let alone His land, His word our His cause?How can they then claim a land?

Give me one reason to believe.

I am not a patriot. I will never be. I don’t “live” anywhere. I “stay” where the money I have allows me to. The same money that we created in the name of God, the money that we pay to buy weapons in the name of God, and kill in the name of God. The money that we use to “defend” the prison we created with our own hands, and in total denial, called a “country”.

I don’t belong to any country. I don’t own one. It’s rental!

Today, at 51, I sit and stare at the years go by, watch the same people, or their heirs, blabber the same words, make the same mistakes, claim the same freedom their parents never had, the one they will never earn. All in the name of God.

Is that all these prehistoric idiots learned from God?
How many of those go to church on Sunday?
How many pray 5 times a day or visit a mosque on Friday?
Where are the teachings of God now?
Oh! I forgot, they are to busy defending the country… In the name of God

Give me a reason to believe.

As a brander, I tell them:
You created the dirtiest brand for yourselves and your so-called country. You rebranded God and religion to your liking.

As a non patriot, I tell them:
You spent your lives (and mine) fighting for a small piece of land when you all had an entire planet to enjoy.

As a 51 years old man, I tell them:
Fuck you. Trying to claim to protect it, or claim to make it better, or so arrogantly claim to gift it, you ruined the most precious thing God ever gifted us, life.

As for the son of a bitch they turned me into I tell them:
Fuck you again. Protect, gift anyone’s life you wish. Just get the fuck out of mine and let me live the rest of it in my “own” peace.

I hate you for getting me stuck in the endless unreachable dream of wanting to be 25 again..

My reason to believe is this: God asked us to respect life first, and not waste it to respect countries. If a country can be created without wasting a single life, then be it. If not, it is not, and will never be a country. It is tainted, smeared, disgraced by the killing of those who fought building it… Or just happened to pass by at the wrong time.

We simply defeated the purpose of a country. Trying to create a haven for humans, we ended up creating a zoo, a killing field where the innocent die every day, where the guilty blame it on others… And where the 50 years old, like me, spend the first half of their lives watching it slip away and are spending the rest wondering why…

Sunday is over, so is coffee and the cigarette. Now back to war.

Creative Commons License
Give Me a Reason to Believe by Ibrahim N. Lahoud is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at ilahoud.wordpress.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at htt://ilahoud.wordpress.com/.

© 2011 Ibrahim Lahoud


2 Responses to “Give Me a Reason to Believe”

  1. July 20, 2011 at 10:26

    How human, inhuman!
    How sadistic!
    How Sad!
    How are you my friend?


  2. October 17, 2011 at 22:52

    I”m sorry I didn’t get to this post till now. Such beautiful words. So full of emotion, of angst, of hope, of truth. I’ve missed you eby.

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Creative Commons

Creative Commons License
Reason To Believe by Ibrahim N. Lahoud is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at ilahoud.wordpress.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at htt://ilahoud.wordpress.com.

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